Week 17 - Is my partner's money mine?

My partner earns a salary, while I do not. I struggle with this and hesitate to ask them for money. What should I do?

When an old narrative disempowers you, consider believing in a new one.

Strength, 10 of Swords RX, Temperance RX

One of the most underrated strengths of the human mind is their ability to find an explanation for something. When you struggle, it means that the explanation your mind is conjuring up is hurting you. Before we find the answer to your question, let us spend some time unpacking this explanation and how you may have arrived at it.

Explanations depend on what we perceive as truth and facts. One of the most popular facts is that money earned is equal to power earned. However, it is not often mentioned that money is a form of energy. You earn money when you spend energy, time, effort, intellect, emotion etc. What you give to get back money may be visible or invisible. The giving and earning may also be direct or indirect. We have all heard of inheritances. Someone earned that money and another person receives it. Money moves hands. It belongs to the person who uses it. For the moment that they use it.

Photo by insung yoon on Unsplash

And that is where the answer lies. Do you use your partner’s earnings? If yes, then the money is YOURS. Yes, it is as simple as that. The person who uses money, owns it. Because that is what helps you exchange it. Turn it from a number to a thing, or an experience. You are changing its form. You are giving it value. It becomes yours not by holding or hoarding. It doesn’t become yours if you earn and save it. It becomes yours when you can move it. And that is something people don’t consider.

Money wants to move. This is why people who spend money with the understanding that it will come and go live an abundant life. People who spend it sparingly also live with a scarcity mindset. It is possible that the former has less money in their account and the latter has more. Having money is not abundance. Trusting the dynamic nature of it is.

Photo by Mathieu Stern on Unsplash

Today your partner is earning money and you need it. If you spend it, the money becomes yours. Which also means, that you become responsible for it. You become responsible for the value you are exchanging it for. You are spending your energy in deciding where to put it. How does that make you feel?

Yes, people judge us by our designation and bank balances. The more a person has in their account, the more they are taken seriously. But all of these people are powerful not just because they have money. It is what they do with that money that makes them powerful.

If yours is an equal partnership where you and your partner are both spending time and effort to create a life together, money is a shared commodity like time and effort. It may come through one person but is for everyone to use. Like the food in the house. Or the electricity. It isn’t anyone’s. It is everyone’s. The source does not matter if you can put value on your presence in the partnership. Replace “asking” by “taking” and the struggle will dissipate. Instead of valuing the money, value yourself. Value the other. Value the relationship. Value the presence.

Take the money and use it where it is needed. Don’t worry about ownership. Money moves. All ownership of it is temporary.