Week 7 - How does one balance gratitude for others with prioritizing oneself?

Three of Pentacles/Eight of Wands/Nine of Swords

Before we begin to find the answer to this question, let me ask you a question. Is your feeling of gratitude coming from a place of obligation? Chances are, it is. Because in this question lies a sense of limitation. A sense of exhaustion. As if the querent can only give at the expense of oneself. As if the self and the other are separate and one must take from oneself to give (back) to the other.

The question comes from a place of several assumptions about the nature of gratitude and the act of prioritizing oneself. The two do not have to be at odds with each other. The two do not have to have an inversely proportional relationship. The cards are showing us an interesting dynamic between the two. The dynamic has a third player. What can help balance the expression of gratitude and prioritizing one’s well-being is the idea of unconditional expression.

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Contrary to popular opinion, unconditional expression of love and gratitude does not mean limitlessness. It does not mean that you offer yourself, your time, your energy, your emotion, your resources completely. To be unconditional means to not ask anything in return for that which you give. So what is it that you can give without needing back?

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Is that a minute on the phone? Is that ten rupees from your wallet? Is that a meal a day? This can be the limit of your unconditionality. This, my friend, can be your expression of gratitude. That which does not deplete you. That which you can be generous with. That which you can give without the condition of needing it back. That, which is therefore unconditional. That, which is mindful of your limitations. That, which respects the limits of your humanness. That, which reminds you where you end and the other begins. That, which helps you know where gratitude for the other ends and for yourself has to begin.

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For, what else is self -prioritization than acknowledging oneself? To be grateful is to acknowledge and it is from this act that all preservation begins. Why are we grateful? So that we may preserve what we have with another. Why must we self-prioritize? So that we may preserve our own selves.

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Imagine waking up from a difficult dream in the middle of the night. As you wipe the sweat off your forehead, what do you seek? A glass of water? A warm embrace? Rest? You seek to restore your energy. Your life force. Your balance. If expressing gratitude is making you lose this, it is not gratitude that you are expressing. It becomes a negative experience that is draining you. It cannot be of positive impact to anyone. It is not gratitude.

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Gratitude and forgiveness are two emotions that are beyond measurable value and yet their exchange is crucial for any healthy relationship. If they demand more than you can give then you are either not ready for them, or you do not have enough for yourself, and must therefore cultivate them for yourself before thinking of sharing them with another.

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Yes, we are taught to give these to others before we have given them to ourselves. Yes, you are asking this question because you don’t have enough gratitude for yourself. And yes, because of societal obligation, you are compelled to give it to another. And yes, this is why you feel it will come at the cost of prioritizing yourself.

Have some water. Get some air. Thank yourself. That’s enough.

Your gratitude for yourself, and your prioritizing yourself will send ripples through the cosmos. Those who deserve your gratitude will feel it in their hearts. The universe will thank the others on your behalf.