Week 10 - Someone lives rent-free in my mind. How do I evict them?
5 of Cups/ 10 of Wands/ Knight of Cups
Are they living rent - free in your mind because it is too expensive for them (or you) to live close to you, outside it?
These cards tell me a story where a wish remained unfulfilled. Not all was lost, but most was, and you are unhappy with the outcome. This person has left your external world, but the desire for what could have been and the pain of what happened has kept a version of them close to you. You fight with yourself every day to keep this version alive and annihilate it because it takes up too much of your thoughts. You are sad and now this sadness is the thread that keeps you connected with them. They live rent - free in your mind because it is the only way for them to stay near you. And this gives you a feeling of hope that they will turn around, that things will change and you will finally get what you want. And the moment the thought comes, you quash it with both your feet. Because you know the person in your mind is not real. The person in your mind, remains, but your hopes are born and killed every day.
This rent - less tenant represents a part of you that does not want to accept what is. And you are ashamed of this part of yourself. It is like being afraid of a lizard that has entered your house. It bothers you a lot but you keep looking at it, wanting to know how it moves. Your negative emotions are now turned towards yourself, as you say, “I wish I had closed the window! I wish I wasn’t so scared of lizards! I wish I could just pick it up and throw it away! I must not let it out of my sight! Otherwise, it will do something unexpected. And I am not prepared for that.”
You are not prepared to lose that version of the person that lives in your mind, rent - free. It gives you a false sense of control, over your perception of a relationship with them. And in this relationship, something is off. You are unhappy. They have power over you. And they are choosing to stay in your mind. But the game is yours. You have kept them there. And thinking about them keeps you busy. It fulfills a need within you to engage with them in ways that are not possible otherwise.
So let them stay. Invite yourself over for a cup of tea (or coffee). Make them feel welcome. And allow them to show up, in the home of your mind, as the person you always wanted them to be. As many times as you need. And maybe, with time, you will not be so affected by their presence. And maybe with time, you will finally be bored of them. And maybe with time, your story and your game will change.
Time will bring the rent that is due to you.
Uff kya likhti ho tum jaaneman. Iska aur koi matlab nahi hai, bas yehi ke humein yeh inspiration chaheeye tha. ❤️🩹🌺
There is always so much sukoon in reading what you share here. 🩵🩵